Why aren’t “unknown” callers ever cool people with good news? Like, “Hey Danielle, it’s me, Jennifer Lawrence. Yeah girl, I’m in the city! Let’s hang out and bake Martha Stewart cakes! You bring the batter I’ll make the frosting. What? You want to go jet-skiing in the Hudson? Yeah, of course I’m down. I’m Jennifer fucking Lawrence.”
Unknown caller is never Jennifer Lawrence. Unknown caller is always Jeremy from Chase Manhattan.