The Olsen Oeuvre- Billboard Dad

Without a doubt, my favourite Olsen twins straight to DVD movie was Billboard Dad. And I know it’s not a nostalgia thing, because I re-watched it recently on Netflix and that shit holds up. Let’s look at all the elements of what made this movie so perfectly Olsen. 

The Parent Situation

The Olsen twins NEVER had both parents. They were always adopted, latchkey kids, kids of divorce or widowed. It was good because the twins are at their best when they’re unsupervised and having a missing parent meant there was always a ~love interest~ for the remaining one. In Billboard D, the twins’s parental unit is Academy Award-Nominated Actor, David Strathairn!!!! Ok fine, it’s not, but the casting people found a pretty good knock-off. He’s an artist, he’s tortured, but he’s also rich and they live in a house with a huge door. He says he’s not looking for love but the twins, in their infinite wisdom and jewel toned sunglasses, know he’s lying. 

The Boy Interests

The Olsens were still at an age where a real romantic plotline would be kind of weird and gross, so they had to settle on having a crush on their swim coach, this guy:

That’ll do, pig. 

The Style

Very important. The style of an Olsen DVD had to be on POINT or it would be forgotten in the sands of time, like their cameo in Little Rascals. I’m happy to report that the outfits in Billboard Dad were at maximum cuteness level. The Olsens were still young and obedient enough to wear matching shit, and were not yet so overcome with body issues that they couldn’t be seen in a modest one-piece. A few choice outfits:

The Villain

This is the only aspect of the Olsen Manifesto that takes a hit in BD. Nigel, the business partner/fake Brit is pretty dastardly, but does any Olsen Enemy (TM) compare to Megan Fox in Holiday in the Sun? No. The answer is no. Also, way to make the only minority in the movie a bad guy, Mary-Kate! For shame. 

Bonus points for:

  • “Cool to the max!!”
  • That sundae they order when Dad is trying to make the girls feel better lives in my dreams. It has SO MUCH whipped cream and the girls just PICK AT IT with their spoons! 
  • the woman who eventually gets Dad’s heart owns a glasses store and drives a VW Beetle. We love a good female entrepreneur!