We need to talk about this. Are you excited that Kristen and Emma found love in a hopeless place? Or does your jealousy of both of them undermine any feelings of joy and pleasure you should have at the sight of two fabulous women enjoying each other’s company (and probably plotting a movie vehicle that would make five hundred million dollars opening night and win at least a Golden Globe and have pundits exclaiming “WOMEN ARE STILL FUNNY!!!”) ? I, personally, welcome our new comic overlords.
Hi! It’s Danielle. I’m in New Orleans, but tonight instead of shoveling more gumbo into my mouth, I will be watching Lindsay Lohan start her “comeback” with her much-hyped Saturday Night Live hosting gig. I’m a (cautious) fan of Lindsay’s, so I’m really rooting for her. Here are my LiLo SNL hopes:
- I hope she isn’t too nervous! I know it’s live and all but Lindsay is a consummate professional and this is her 4th time hosting so she should be okay. Also hope she does NOT turn to illegal substances to calm her nerves!
- Really hope the writers are refreshed from their break and take advantage of the material happening in the world right now: The Oscars, Rush Limbaugh, The Hunger Games, Kristen Wiig being BFFs with Emma Stone. Really hope Lindsay doesn’t get too jealous of Emma’s current success and turn to binge drinking to numb the pain, though!!
- Obviously Lindsay is going to have to make out with someone, as is law when females host, but I hope it’s not GRODY Jason Sudeikis! He will probably go by her dressing room to “check” on her and then offer her ecstacy! That guy is a bad influence, I’m telling you, and I just really hope he doesn’t get Lindsay hooked back on drugs. SAY NO, LINDSAY!
- Praying for some really COOL cameos like Jimmy Fallon, Taylor Swift, Adam Levine, Tom Hanx!!!!!! But I hope Lindsay’s New York parole officer does NOT show up. It would be SUCH a buzzkill.
- I read that Lindsay is game to make fun of everything about her dramatic past and I hope that’s true! Would love to see Lindsay mock that time she went to the wrong microphone at the Kid’s Choice Awards, or when that kid called her “Hilary Duff” in her episode of “MTV Diary”. Those were both SO EMBARASSING!!
- Saturday Night Live after-parties are infamously swell! But I hope Lindsay doesn’t go. I hope she goes back to her hotel room and writes in her diary and orders room service (BLT with EXTRA fries! She deserves it!) and winds down. I hope she watches her SAG screener of The Help for the 5th time and realizes that it could have been her in that Oscar-nominated movie. I hope she gets a good 8 hours of sleep and writes a thank-you note to Lorne Michaels.
- I hope regardless of how her episode turns out, she has fun, remembers how exciting it is to be an actress and be grateful that she’s been given all these opportunities. Honestly? I REALLY hope she decides to pack it in while she’s on a high and moves to Santa Barbara and we never hear from her again because she has a normal, sober, happy life away from Hollywood fuckery. But that won’t happen, so I hope she does well in the Lifetime movie and slowly begins to rebuild her career, cutting out her weird family and enabling friends in the process. I’m rooting for you, Lindsay! Step away from the booze, the drugs, the doctors, and shine on, you crazy diamond.
Guys, what can I say, I’m an optimist.